I needed to take some time before writing this blog. That was for a number of reasons, the biggest of which was that I needed to be sure that I wasn't just throwing a bit of a wobbly, having a little timmy moment.
I'm now sure I'm not guilty of such self indulgence and now have to accept that I have found the transition from Leader of the Council to back bench Councillor a difficult move.
It's not an egotistical thing ( at least I very much hope not ) but more a feeling of emptiness,
There is a huge void, and it's difficult to fill.
I took the role of Council Leader very seriously for 6 years. I wanted to steer the council in the direction I felt was best for its communities.
I wanted to be involved in every aspect of the council, every portfolio, every strategy and every project.
I wanted the council involved in outside bodies as I saw this as a way of gaining influence for the district. I attended meetings, I attended conferences, award ceremonies and more.
I wanted to be a friend to all our officers, be there for them and offer them support.
I wanted to be inclusive with fellow councillors as I knew I needed to do that to survive.
I demanded that we were not just a sit back and tick over council, we had to make strides, change direction and make a difference
All the issues we faced in 6 years, the levelling up bid, the pandemic, the cost of living crisis. I felt it was my duty , my responsibility to lead, to take the brunt, to face the media, to do the hard miles.
I was doing this at the same time as keeping a full time job and trying to be a husband and a Dad.I took jobs that may enable me to do council work, sometimes at a financial loss.But if you believe in what your doing and have a passion for your area , you do it.
I was up at 4am nearly every day responding to 20 or 30 emails a day.That was before work and I'd do some more or attend meetings after work.
My phone was hardly ever silent as I spoke to senior officers , business leaders, or other councils.
For six years it was intense, it was incredibly fast paced, demanding and completely invigorating , as well as being exhausting.
Then on May 6th , it stopped.
The phone calls, the emails, the things to do, the meetings, the requests. They just stopped.
Before you think otherwise, this isn't a bleat about losing the leadership, it happens in politics.
It's more about trying to raise awareness for organisations such as the LGA, that there may well be a need for support for Leaders and other key role councillors who might lose that role.
It may be of course that it's only me that has felt such a loss after losing a role.
But I doubt it. People care about their Council positions, we take pride in holding those roles and work bloody hard to achieve all we set out to do, or even just to survive .
It's difficult when it's no longer there. Its difficult when someone else is doing those things that took up so much of your day,
In recent weeks , I've questioned my abilities , my self worth and have at times felt lost, almost disinterested.
It's a big knock to self-esteem.
Im getting my mojo back now and am surrounded by a supportive family and good colleagues in my group. I'll soon be a really good back bench Councillor.
But when the calls stop, when your no longer steering the ship, its difficult and I hope we start helping councillors with that transition.
And who knows , that phone may start ringing again.
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