People for some reason ask me quite a lot about mu childhood , my background , my upbringing in the heart of the Forest of Dean. I think the best way to explain it is to share with you the tribute I wrote to my Dad when we lost him in 2012.
Denis Brian Gwilliam
At around 4.45pm, on the 11th of May 2012, the world briefly, but very noticeably stopped turning. I would imagine that outside Cheltenham Hospital, darkness fell and the birds stopped singing.
At least that’s the way it felt for 4 middle” ish” aged people from the Forest Of Dean. They all have families who also suffered this extraordinary shock alongside them. Also two ladies in the old family home in Nine Wells were facing up to this extraordinary loss and the hurt that went and still goes with it. Denis Brian Gwilliam is no longer with us. For Jackie, John, Jill and me that is like someone trying to tell you the sun will not rise in the morning. It just does not make any sense, Dad should always be there. Born in 1929 the youngest son of 10 children that were born to Susan and Rufus Gwilliam, at an early age Dad acquired the nickname “Boxer”. This came about when Susan's brother Harry brought the youngster a punch bag. Rufus attached the bag to the ceiling of an out room and the young Denis (along with his sisters) would go out and learn how to jab and hook. He often said this early training was invaluable in his youth during his and his friends visits to the pubs of the Tudorville area of Ross. So the name “Boxer” seemed to stick. It certainly stayed during Dads spell of playing Rugby for Berry Hill. A scrum half during his playing days, he was always interested in how the club were doing. He would take particular pleasure when the splendid team of the 80s would get the better of Lydney. Later he would take great pride in his Grandsons efforts as they too wore the Black and Amber colours. Dads first job was as a store boy for Hawkins Stores in what later became Tanyards. He would deliver groceries around the area and would regale us with tales of huge hams, fresh bread, oh and also rats the size of a spaniel. When he told us these tales, we might sometimes tease him that he was like the” Granville” character in Open all Hours. It may have been, as he put it, that his knees were slightly “closer to the ground, than most “ In the early 1950s Dad met the love of his life in the form of Miss Jean Jones from Clearwell. After what Dad would so quaintly call a short “courtship” the couple married in 1954 in Ross on Wye. They enjoyed a fish and chip supper in celebration. They then purchased a prepared and stuffed chicken from a butcher to enjoy as Sunday lunch the following day. It really annoyed Dad that when it was cooking the smell emanating from the Raeburn was not pleasant and the much heralded bird was in fact only fit for the bin. I’m not sure if Dad ever got over that chicken as he was still telling that tale to me the week he passed away. Im quite sure he would have liked to have met that butcher again. It wasn’t long, in fact Dad reckoned they” broke all records” ( I am inserting a slightly awkward pause here ) before they were joined in the world by their new son Lloyd Mitchell. It seems Dad was stood in Coleford and looked around to see the names Lloyd , as in the bank and Mitchell, a brewery by all accounts. So the new baby had a name. Apparently he was doing exceptionally well at the store and was very highly thought of by the owner. But he was being pulled in another direction. Rufus had been a freeminer and had passed the tradition on to Dads big brothers Ted and Harold. Aunty Babs tell us Dad pestered and nagged Rufus to go and join his brothers. Rufus was against it but in the end wilted to Dads constant harassing. This is fact I wish I had known when I was perhaps 8 or 9 and nagging him about a new cricket bat or something. He would respond with a “doosent kip pestering”. I may have used the whole going down the mine thing as a retort if I had known. But Dad got his way and a working team that has gone down in Forest history , well if you pop to the dean heritage centre at least , was born. With Ted and Harold , Dad spent the happiest times of his working life. Freemining was not well paid and the work difficult but he often got to go fishing or shooting with his big brothers. I know how very proud dad was of his brothers. Home life to was good with four more children being added to the family. From what I gather they never had much but were happy and well fed. Denis was nothing if not imaginative in feeding the family. My big brother and sisters will remember the rabbit story and I won’t repeat it here in case the owners of those tame rabbits that Dad thought were wild are here. In 1970 fate dealt a cruel and devastating hand when Jean died after an illness. With five children under 16 Dad had no choice but to stop mining and become a stay at home parent. Well that is not strictly true in that Dad did have a choice. Social Services were involved and constantly pressured Dad to put some or all of us up for adoption. Moving to a council house in Berry Hill from Joyford, Dad refuted all suggestions. He insisted on keeping the family together. That is not to say that Dad found it easy. Indeed in the early stages Dad found that having to clean and cook for a family as well as coming to terms with his loss was all too much for him. It’s fair to say this was Dads lowest point and it is a testament to him that he in the end came through it . We are all very grateful for all the help we received from friends and family at that time, it allowed us to stay together. Dad also recognised the role played by his eldest daughter Jackie during this time. Now being the youngest it may well be that I was ever so slightly spoiled compared to the others by our Dad. But I like to think it was because I did not complain. I mean the fuss Jill would make when Dad made her have her hair cut at Ron Staffords, mens barbers. Or the commotion caused by Jackie when Dad went to Raymonds and bought her a pair of orange cord wedge shoes and long grey socks to wear to secondary school. And as for Johns complaints when Dad took the leg elastic out of a pair of Jackies old blue knickers to use as gym shorts, shameful. But what Dad, was doing was what Dad always did, just his very best. If he had had money he would have bought us new stuff. But he didn’t, so we lived on hand outs, hand me downs and the Marshall and Ward catalogue. Now it was obviously worse for my siblings as I never knew any different and Dad was all there had ever been. Dad could be quite controlling, you did not want to be out longer than he told you to be. This was obviously tricky for the older children but it was the only way Dad could be sure we were safe. When you think about it , after the cards that fate dealt him with Mum you can’t blame him for wanting to keep an eye on us. If we were near we were safe, and I always felt safe. I wrote a piece in the paper about Dad and my memories from childhood and I keep being asked if the bit about dad buying a quarter pound of cheese to last a week is true. It really is, I’m sure Jill will also remember sitting with me on a Sunday counting out Dads change purse to see if we could buy some bread for a dripping sandwich that evening. Hand to mouth is the term and it was true. There was however an underlying knowledge of being loved. I would like to say how things did not affect us or that it was character building but I am not sure about that .It certainly has made us the people we are today. Everything I am I owe to Denis Gwilliam. I know the others feel the same. I remember the strength he showed when we lost Lloyd those years ago. His wife, then his eldest son? That takes a lot of courage to get over. It was all the more difficult for Dad as at the time he finally felt he had the relationship with Lloyd that he wanted to have. Being the eldest the weight of mums loss fell heavily on Lloyd and his relationship with Dad suffered as a consequence. By the time Lloyd died Dad and Lloyd had become very close. Dad changed the day I moved in with my wife. We had all flown the nest then and I was the last one to leave. After some initial issues Dad became the man he probably was in 1969. Once he had got used to being at home on his own he became more relaxed. It was like he had done his job, he had seen us out into the world safe and sound and a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He still cared for us all and still played a huge part in all our lives but he could once again be Denis and not always Dad. He remained a man of simple tastes enjoying and trying to teach us all about Gardening or fishing. He was also a talented keyboard and piano player , never learning music but playing by ear .Right to the end he was still telling me off for not using a line when planting seed or hoeing the spuds up wrong. Our Dad was simply a legend. At some point we all pretty much did one thing or another to let him down. But he always forgave and moved on. He also knew his kids so well that he left us a note that said “ and no squabbling”. Dad we are all sorry for that. A man of integrity, honesty and strength. Dad was 83 years old when he died and had never spent a night in hospital .A operation to remove a cataract had given him a new lease of life two years ago. He would tell anyone about the planes going over or the birds he could now see. He was a man who adored his grandchildren, he really saw them as another chance another blessing. He could be more relaxed with them and it is so sad for them all that he has left us. But like us four remaining children and despite being forty something when it came to dad we were still children, the grand children should bless the time they had with him. Don’t be sad and mourn ,celebrate dads life and the fun you had with him. Of how many people can it be said that they were 83 and they have gone too soon? A wonderful man , an incredible dad and our best friend. What a proud family we should be. We thank you Dad, for all you did for us, for all you taught us and for being the very best parent anyone ever had. You did your job and you did it well. I cannot believe that you won’t be there or on the phone and I know the others feel the same. But you will always be in our hearts. Id like think that at about 4.46 on the 11th of May , Denis may have been greeted by his mum Susan saying “ hello Denny”. Lloyd may have used his usual “hello again fatty “ and Mum welcomed him with a “ where the blooming heck have you been”?. Now two weeks later , Den has re-joined Harold and Ted and Heaven has a new coal level open somewhere. But it might be that the freeminers are not there this morning as they may have taken advantage of the chance to go fishing.
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